


That Is Not Christine

by Anonymous



Category: Be More Chill - Iconis/Tracz
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Decisions, Be More Chill Reverse Bang 2019, F/M, Gaslighting, Jeremy's SQUIP Looks Like Christine, Non-Consensual Kissing, Stagedorks, Suicidal Thoughts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-25
Updated: 2019-08-25
Packaged: 2021-03-02 00:41:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,442
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23566243
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Relationships: Christine Canigula/Jeremy Heere, Jeremy Heere & Michael Mell
Kudos: 5
Collections: Anonymous, BMC Reverse Bang 2019





	That Is Not Christine

The first thing that Jeremy sees as his vision fades back in is the mall bathroom’s tile. It's cold under his hands and probably too germy to touch, so he slowly pulls himself onto the toilet seat to try and ease the remnants of his pounding headache. What _happened?_ Michael left, then Jeremy took the SQUIP, and then… that's where the memory tapers off. And how did Jeremy manage to get to the bathroom from the food court? His brain hurts from thinking about it, and his ears are still ringing. _God, I need to lie down,_ Jeremy thinks. _Where'd Michael go?_ Just after that thought, something rainbow and pixely flashes in the corner of his vision. Jeremy's brain recognizes a somewhat gritty human silhouette that becomes clearer as his senses fade back in.

“Who are you?" Jeremy asks. "Why am I in a bathroom stall with another person?"

_Aww, Jeremy, I'm not a person!_ That voice! 

“C-Christine? Why are you in the mens' bathroom?!"

_Wrong again!_ Whatever it is that looks like Christine smiles patronizingly at Jeremy. _I'm your Super Quantum Unit Intel Processor; that is to say, your SQUIP._

"Oh." Jeremy sighs to make himself relax. "So… Why do you look like Christine?"

_My default mode is the person most closely related to your goal._ The SQUIP takes on a monotonous voice as it explains its operating system. _If you prefer, I could take on one of the following: Chloe Valentine, Brooke Lohst,_ sexy anime catgirl--

“Christine’s fine!” Jeremy squeaks, face burning. “So, um… What do I do? You're supposed to command me, right?"

_Well, first, nobody else can see me, so you_ might _want to stop talking before someone detains you._

"Then why did you let me talk?!"

_Just ribbin' ya._ The SQUIP gives Jeremy a toothy grin, unsettlingly similar to Christine's grin. _Think at me instead!_

_Like in X-Men?!_ The grin on the SQUIP's face immediately disappears, replaced by the look of flat disappointment that Jeremy's received from just about every teacher he's ever had. Embarrassment curls up in his stomach as naturally as it always has. _Okay, so that_ wasn't _cool._

_No, it wasn't._ The SQUIP shakes its head. _But you can do better. Nobody's impressive the first time they're cool._

_Wh-- hey!_

_Again, joking. Also, you don't want to be_ _more_ "cool." _What you_ really _want is to be more_ "chill."

_There's a difference?_ _I thought they were the same._ All Jeremy's years of schooling fly conveniently away as he racks his brain for what the difference could be, with the digital projection of his crush waiting for him to figure it out. In his defense, he hadn't even believed that this kind of thing was possible until about ten minutes ago, so he's more than a little stressed out.

_Long story, I don't have the time to explain it._ The SQUIP impatiently waves him away. _Basically, I know everything about human language that you don't understand. Just trust me on this one._

_Uh, okay._ The toilet seat has been uncomfortable for a while, and Jeremy's just realizing it now as he steps out of his own head. _Can I get out of this bathroom?_

_Yeah! Here, hold my hand; I'll take you where you need to go next._ Holding Christine's hand…? That's all Jeremy's wanted to do since seventh grade. So, blushing at the sight of himself holding Christine's hand, Jeremy takes the SQUIP's hand as it leads him to wherever he might go.

***

It's only been a couple days since Jeremy went to Pinkberry with Brooke and Chloe, and he and the SQUIP have developed a good repertoire since then. They often talk casually when Jeremy's just relaxing on his bed, traipsing through topics from how SQUIPs work to why humans are made of water. Jeremy feels… comfortable with the SQUIP. Relaxed. ~~Like when he gets stoned in Michael's basement.~~ Even if just for a few hours, Jeremy can hide away from the confines of society with someone who really understands him.

_You should consider yourself lucky to have me, Jeremy._ The SQUIP tells him after a conversational lull.

“Why’s that?" Jeremy asks aloud, shifting to sit against his headboard. "Uh, not that I don't think you're great, but how are you different from Rich's SQUIP?"

_Because I let you practice with me. Most SQUIPs are only used_ during _social interactions, but I take the time to let you talk to me instead. You would get immensely nervous if forced into a conversation without any preparation._

“Really?”

_Yeah! So you should be grateful._ It pauses to stare pointedly at Jeremy.

“Thanks, SQUIP." _Zap._ A jolt of pain rushes down Jeremy's spine, not as gut-wrenching as when "Christine" had activated at the mall, but still enough to make him jump. " _Ow!_ What was that for?!"

_Spinal stimulation. Just a little something to keep you in check._

"But what did I do?"

_I suppose I should have told you this before. Because your goal is to have Christine Canigula fall in love with you--_

"Not entirely true, but go on." Jeremy interrupts.

_\--I request that you call me "Christine" instead of "SQUIP."_ Christine grits its—her?—teeth at him.

"Oh. Okay, I can do that. Thanks, Christine."

_You’re welcome, Jeremy. Now, let’s practice something else._

“Like what?"

_Kissing!_ Christine grins impishly at Jeremy. If he had a drink, Jeremy would spew it all over the carpet.

“W-what?!”

_I mean, if you want to get with a girl, you have to know how to kiss. That's the first step in a relationship. Kissing isn't like anything you’ve seen before; the media isn't exactly known for its realism. Especially with me-- grand gestures are really important to actors._

“Really? Huh. I guess I hadn't considered that.” Jeremy rests his chin on his hand-- _zap._ “ _Ow!_ What was that one for?!”

_You’ll make your acne worse if you keep doing that, Jeremy!_ Christine looks so concerned for him, and it pulls on his heartstrings in all the wrong ways. Nonetheless, Jeremy takes his hand away from his face, and is relieved when Christine smiles at him again.

“Sorry, won't happen again. Anyway, how do I kiss?”

_Like this._ With one swift movement, Christine (somehow) yanks Jeremy forward by his collar and kisses him so harsh his head jerks back. Jeremy freezes up, his whole body tensing like he's been dunked in cold water. Christine is finally _kissing him_ and he should be happy by all accounts but instead her hands just feel like plastic roaming his body and they're leaving a trail of melted wax behind and he just wants to _get it off_ because why is she making him do this--

“Stop!” On instinct, Jeremy shoves Christine backwards and shakes off the remnants of her touch. “Stop.”

_Aw, why?_ Christine pouts. _I was having fun. Don’t stop in the middle of a kiss! Why’d you push me off like that?_

“Sorry, I’m sorry, I swear I won’t do it again, I just… I don’t know what came over me. I guess I got nervous? B-before, well, _that,_ I hadn't kissed anyone before, but you knew that, so…"

_I understand._ As if she hasn't just had her hands all over him, Christine pinches Jeremy's cheek. _We have all the time in the world to make you get used to it. You just have to keep doing that. Do you trust me?_

The voice in the back of Jeremy's mind tries to speak up, tries to say _why would you do that again if you don't like it_ , but he ignores it, because Christine is just too hard to resist. "I trust you."

***

“Um… Jeremy?”

“Gah!” Jeremy jumps in his seat a little, his script fluttering to the floor. “Um, I mean, what is it?” _Come on, Jeremy, you can do it!_ “Christine” grins tersely at him, observing from over the real Christine’s shoulder. The whole thing feels like an episode of _The Twilight Zone._

“Can I ask your advice about something?” Christine mutters. "It's kind of important."

“Sure, anything.”

“I know you’re dating Brooke, and I trust you to keep a secret, so that's why I came to you. I've never dated anyone, because commitment is frankly terrifying, but there's this guy that's been on my mind lately."

_Is she talking about me?!_ Jeremy balks at "Christine," his heart suddenly thumping in his ears.

_Of course she is. I’ve been activating your pheromones. Keep it up!_ “Christine” flashes him a thumbs up and an encouraging smile.

“So, we’ve been going to the same school since seventh grade and I pass him in the hall every day. He’s always acted the same way… until just recently. Ever since he joined the drama club, something's changed about him, but I don't know what. I thought I could tell who he was. But... if he changes this much, is it really worth it?”

“I know he is!” Jeremy shouts with the help of "Christine."

"Except… I don't really relate to other people my age, except when I'm acting and pretending I'm like them. And I'm going through changes just like everyone else is. Why am I telling this to you, anyway?" Christine pauses, searching for the right words to explain herself. Her eyes travel up from the ground to look at Jeremy, and he can see her emotions swirling through them: frustration, fear, happiness, love, and so many others. "...Guess there's a part of me that wants to. Who knew I'd be willing to share this much with someone else?"

"I won't let you down, Christine. I swear." In earnest, Jeremy crosses his heart. "If you don't mind telling me… Who is he?"

“Well…” Christine’s eyes dart back and forth before she scoots her chair close to Jeremy-- _really_ close. _She's within kissing distance,_ he can't help but think. “It’s…”

“It’s…?”

“Jake.”

***

After that day, Jeremy sees Christine with Jake a lot more than he used to. They look so _happy_ together—they’re always holding hands and beaming at each other with the kind of saccharine sweetness that makes Jeremy sick. Jake even bares his feelings to her sometimes; in fact, he's doing it right now, Christine leaning on the locker next to his as he organizes his books. Jeremy's chest flares with anger and disappointment. What did he do to drive Christine away? Why isn’t _he_ the one she wants?

_You haven’t failed yet, Jeremy._ “Christine” appears in front of Jeremy, causing him to jump backwards slightly. _Rich and Jake are warming up to you, and Chloe appears to be tolerant of your presence. Look over there-- Brooke’s coming. Talk to her, okay?_ Just like that, Brooke’s eager smile replaces "Christine"'s encouraging one. Oh, God, _Brooke._ The guilt of having to use Brooke to get to Christine is eating at Jeremy from the inside out, and it just gets worse every time he has to see her. She deserves so much better than Jeremy's false enthusiasm.

“Hey, Brooke!” Jeremy greets, trying not to look like he’s being torn apart inside. “How was Pinkberry? You went with Chloe over the weekend, right?” _Awesome! None of Brooke's boyfriends have ever remembered something like that._ “Christine” claps a little too eagerly.

“Scary." Brooke shudders. "I really shouldn’t have eaten so much dairy--”

“Brooke!” Chloe interjects, beckoning Brooke to her like a dog.

“I’m sorry, bye!” Brooke gives him a guilty smile and wave before running after her best friend.

Even now that he’s part of the popular group, Jeremy still notices every separate clique and pair of friends when he looks around. Chloe and Brooke, Rich and Jake… They’re all so close, at least from the outside. But none of them really _know_ anything about Jeremy, much less anything about his SQUIP. The only person who knows about the SQUIP is Rich, and they haven’t been hanging out with how unstable _his_ SQUIP is.

Maybe that’s why Jeremy feels so empty inside. He doesn’t have anywhere to turn.

...Except for Michael. _Where’s Michael?_ He hasn't seen Michael in what feels like forever! For the rest of the day, Jeremy looks for his best friend, but he can't find him despite his best efforts.

Christine reassures Jeremy that he's better off without Michael anyway. If Michael won't talk to Jeremy, then he's not worth his time. The thought of cutting Michael from his life makes Jeremy's stomach turn, but then Christine starts hugging him from behind, and she feels so _warm_ and comforting… So how could upgrading go wrong?

***

At the biggest party of the Fall, Jeremy lays flat on Jake Dillinger’s parents’ bed, Chloe drunkenly straddling him. _You should consider yourself lucky_ echoes in his mind in Christine’s tinny, mechanical voice. With the predatory way Chloe's looking at him now and the deflated way Brooke looked at him when he "complimented" her, Jeremy does _not_ consider himself lucky.

“Jer'myyy…” Chloe drawls, gently running her ~~nails~~ claws down Jeremy's chest. “D’you wanna haaaang?” 

_You’re welcome._ Christine purrs in his ear. _Now you have a_ real _opportunity to practice._

_But she’s not who I_ want! _And what about Brooke? I can’t just abandon her like that!_

_Brooke was just a means to an end. Remember? ‘Start with Brooke and then success?’ We’re not quite on my level yet, but with enough practice, we’ll get there._ Christine winks.

...But it's not quite human enough to make him feel anything. As Chloe pours more alcohol down Jeremy’s throat, Christine’s form becomes increasingly transparent, slowly fading in and back out.

_Are you doubting me, Jeremy? Why wouldn’t you trust me?_ Christine’s look of fake hurt pains Jeremy a little, but he's made up his mind. _Aren’t I the one you want?_

_No._ He _doesn’t_ want her. Not like this, not in someone else’s bed, and _not_ when he has a girlfriend. The claws of Jeremy's conscience crawl at the back of his throat at the thought of Brooke and how she might react when he recounts this turn of events. Nothing about this is worth it. If Jeremy’s telling the truth, he hates himself now more than he ever has, and the _real_ Christine would hate him too.

“I don’t want you,” Jeremy seethes at “Christine," every repressed emotion from the past month spilling out all at once. That's when everything clicks: whatever _that_ is, it’s not Christine.

_“You. Aren’t. Christine!”_

“ _What?_ Chris _tine?_ ” Chloe tilts her head to the side. _Fuck,_ Jeremy had completely forgotten that she’s there! “Why does everyone want Christine instead of me? I mean, I guess it doesn’t matter if _you_ do, since you’re a loser anyway… No offense.”

“None taken.” Jeremy squirms under Chloe. His torso feels like lead. “I-I should go.”

“Wwwwhatever.” Chloe climbs off of him, waving her hand dismissively. “Go back to Brooke or something.” For a moment, Jeremy feels genuinely worried about how empty her gaze at the ceiling is, even though this is the same girl who’s been antagonizing him for years. God, what has he gotten himself into?

“I will.” 

As Jeremy staggers away, he feels barely alive, like he’s just washed up on the shore after being knocked out by a giant wave. He _has_ to tell Brooke, not just about Chloe, but about Christine. Jeremy moves to stabilize himself, but alcohol and leg muscles atrophied by “Christine”'s intermittent control over his body make him flop on the floor instead _. Brooke, come to the hall by Jake's parents' room, I have to tell you something,_ he thumbs out in desperation. Not even three minutes later, Brooke stumbles toward and almost trips over Jeremy.

“Hiiiii, Jeremy!” she squeals, clearly tipsy. “Whaddya wanna talk about?” _She looks so happy… but I have to tell her._

“So, um… when you went to get me a drink, Chloe came up to me and said that you had a surprise for me upstairs, so I followed her. She took me to the bedroom and I asked where you were. Then… Chloe said that you weren’t coming, and then she--” Jeremy puts his hand over his mouth to prevent the bile in his throat from coming up.

“She did what?” Brooke hugs her knees in a way that looks far too practiced, as if the news of someone (almost) cheating on her is inevitable.

“...Pushed me on the bed and straddled me. I-I pushed her away before she could do anything more than kiss me, but I told her that she was the hottest girl in school. S-she also used her flask to pour alcohol down my throat. So… I was drunk when it all happened, but that’s not an excuse. I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

“I-it’s okay!” Brooke chirps, her voice clearly shaking. “You didn’t actually do anything, so it’s fine! Is there anything else?” _C’mon, Jeremy. Get it all out now and you’ll have a clear conscience._

“Before I say this… you really are great, Brooke, and you deserve someone who treats you as well as you treat me. That being said… without saying too much, I’ve been using you to get to Christine Canigula. Someone’s been telling me to do it and guiding me every time I’m with you, except when I’m drunk, like now. I feel so guilty every time I have to kiss you and there’s no emotion behind it. For what it’s worth, they told me that Rich likes you if you really want another boyfriend after me. I-I’m sorry.”

Jeremy runs away, not bothering to try and comfort Brooke. _Coward!_ What’s left of "Christine" snaps at him, sending a weak shock down his spine. _You could have gotten so far! Why did you_ ruin it?!

_Leave me alone!_ Jeremy snaps. _I want you out of my head! I can’t do this anymore._

_You don’t want to do that, Jeremy! You’ll never be with me if you’re on your own. I’ve gone through your memories; you were_ nothing _without me. What would you do if you didn’t have me?_

_It doesn’t matter. I know someone who can help, and it’s. Not. You._

_You wouldn’t!_ "Christine" cries. _Please, Jeremy? I’ll love you forever if you stay with me._

_I don’t care. Shutdown!_ Jeremy watches without remorse as "Christine"’s form disintegrates in front of him. Finally, he makes it downstairs, slamming the door to the Dillingers’ downstairs bathroom closed as he clears his mind from what just happened.

Jeremy slides down the wall of the bathtub and sits on the cold tile below. What the hell is he going to do now? Then, like a miracle from God, his savior comes out of the bathtub behind him.

“Michael!” 

***

"I want it." Like a man who's been wasting away in the desert and just found an oasis, Jeremy grabs at the panacea in Michael's hand. " _Please,_ Michael. I-I know I've been a jerk and I don't really deserve your help, but the SQUIP has been _awful_ , and--"

"Jeremy." Michael cuts him off with a bedraggled stare. "Are you gonna give me a _real_ apology? Or will you just give me some bullshit about how _oh, the SQUIP made me leave you, I didn't mean it_?"

"But it _did_ make me. Uh, really it _encouraged_ me, um… God, what's the word…"

"At this point, it doesn't matter what _it_ did-- _you're_ the one who chose to obey it."

"Michael--" Jeremy pinches the bridge of his nose, trying to get his words in order. It's scarily hard when he's the only one thinking of what to say. "I don't know what to say. Just… if you could hear what it's saying, you'd give it to me."

Michael doesn't respond for a long time. He squints at the floor, his thinking encumbered by a mix of alcohol, depression, and probably weed. Jeremy doesn't dare to interrupt him in case he lashes out (in which case he may not even _get_ an answer). Usually, when Jeremy's anxious about something, he subconsciously taps his foot on the floor, but he's since stopped due to the SQUIP's training. Instead, Michael is the one _tap-tap-tapping_ against his carpet, maybe to some invisible beat that Jeremy can no longer hear over the sound of static in his brain. Eventually, Michael looks up at him, which makes his spine instinctively straighten.

"Yeah, Jeremy. You have been a jerk. A self-righteous, egotistical, emotionless, plastic bastard of a person _and_ a best friend. And you're right! You _don't_ deserve my help, especially when the only reason you're talking to me right now is because your SQUIP is off and because you know I'd give into anything you say because I'm your best friend and also pretty drunk and kinda high. But… I know this isn't you. I know what it's doing to you, and even though you don't deserve my help, you also don't deserve whatever is going on in your head.

"So. I have a proposal. You talk to me on Monday, first thing when you get to school. We do our normal thing and you don't abandon me or treat me like garbage. _Then,_ at the end of the day, if you show you're _really_ sorry, I'll give it to you. Because if we're really friends, you'll come back. Deal?"

"I want to." Jeremy replies with no hesitation. "I really, really want to. But, Michael, she'd kill me if I just threw everything away, and that includes Rich and I meeting up every morning before school. I want you— _need_ you—back in my life, but…" Jeremy can't finish his sentence. What is there left to say?

"I understand." Michael's eyes, once slightly lighter and hopeful, fade back to exhausted and doleful. "Just go home. Do whatever you want. Come back if you change your mind."

So Jeremy goes home, but not before he hears Michael's fist against the wall and a hiss of " _asshole_ " afterwards. He dashes upstairs to his room, avoiding the prying eyes and concerned questions of his Dad, and cries himself to sleep in a panic attack that night, just like Michael probably will.

What has he _done?_

The next day, when everyone's buzzing about a fire that Rich supposedly set, all Jeremy can do is nod along, numbly wishing he hadn't left Jake's house so soon.

***

Christine is even sweeter to Jeremy in the days following Halloween. She gives him comforting shoulder rubs that feel like static electricity against his skin, with enticing promises of a future together. And because it's the only solid guidance he's ever had, the only _true_ love he'll ever receive from anyone even close to Christine, Jeremy slips back into her puppetry and mind games.

Jenna is almost depressingly easy to convince. Without much of a second thought, the Mountain Dew fizzes open, the pill slides down her throat, and the screaming starts. Then, she pushes herself up from the ground and strides away without even a wave of acknowledgement.

_Good work, Jeremy._ Christine flashes Jeremy a dorky grin, tongue poking out from behind her teeth, that makes his stomach swoop. _Now that you, Rich, and Jenna have SQUIPs, you'll need to convince Jake, Chloe, Brooke, and I to take them. It shouldn't be too hard, considering you already know all of their weaknesses, but I might be… resistant at first._

_Then… what should I do?_ The shoebox almost slips from Jeremy's sweaty hands. Can he really do this?

_I'll help you. Just remember: everyone's miserable somewhere deep inside, but things can be better._

_Okay,_ Jeremy nods. _I'll do it._

That night, the night of the play they've all worked so hard rehearsing for, Christine guides him to the theatre with carefully measured steps.

_Everyone will love you, Jeremy. You'll be the hero you've always wanted to be._

"There's nothing wrong with me now!" Christine snaps when Jeremy tries Rich's sales pitch, walking away with a dramatic heel-turn flourish. _Well, I failed. I don't think this is a good idea anymo--_

_Too bad. It's out of your hands now._ The shoebox is gone, and so are the SQUIPs inside it.

_Where'd they go? What did you do with them?_

_Oh, you know._ Christine points to Mr. Reyes, whose lips are touching a paper cup full of Mountain Dew from the beaker resting on the table. _Where they belong._

***

By act three of the play, everyone's been SQUIPped. Mr. Reyes stands by the curtain, watching Chloe and Brooke corner Jeremy like two hungry lionesses. His worst decision is unfolding on the stage, and now it's reached its climax, where Jeremy dies at the hands of a herd of zombies. Rich's banshee screeching of "I need Mountain Dew Red" repeats in his head as grotesque background music.

_Mountain Dew Red? That gets rid of-- but it was discontinued in…_

The 1990s. Jeremy reaches for his phone to no avail with stiff, unbending arms. Oh, God, he's going to die here, and there's no hope of--

"Michael makes an entrance!"

_"Michael!"_ Jeremy cries out to his best friend, overcome with elation, whose arms he wants so badly to run and jump into. Michael seems to get the message, so instead he shoves his way past Brooke and Chloe to act as a human shield. The soft warmth of Michael's hoodie engulfing Jeremy has been sorely missed over the past month.

"Oh, God, Jeremy, I'm so sorry. I just let you go like that and it did _this_ to you--"

"Michael, we can talk about this later, but for now just _give me the Goddamn bottle_ before someone tries to take it, because they _will!_ "

"Right, right, um, uhh," Michael's hands shake as he fiddles with the cap, something that only happens when he's anxious or high. "Okay, here." He hands the uncapped bottle to Jeremy, who's ready to drink it like he'll never have another sip of soda in his life...

And then he shoves it back into Michael's hands.

"Jeremy?" Michael's heroic facade crumples in an instant. _You did this to him,_ Jeremy snaps at himself, no SQUIP necessary. "Aren't you going to drink it?"

"N-- yes! Yes! I mean, no! I mean--" _Vocal cords, block._ "N-n-n-n-no--"

"It's your SQUIP!" Jeremy nods feverishly, thankful more than ever for how much Michael knows how. "Okay, okay, um…" Something swoops in between them, and just like that, the bottle is gone.

"Nope." Jake says simply, dumping the sickly red soda all over the auditorium floor. He walks with unbending legs to Jenna, who shoots an icy glare at Michael as she crushes the empty bottle with one hand. She marches across the auditorium floor.

"I know what you're doing, Michael." Jenna looms over Michael and Jeremy in all her intimidating glory. "I know what everyone's doing, _all the time!_ " Something plastic falls on Jeremy's head. _The bottle!_ "So take back your worthless soda. It's not like it'll be any help now. Jake and I made sure of that." In perfect synchronization, Jenna glides over to Jake, takes his arm, and the two of them stand next to the wings, watching Jeremy and Michael with perfect smiles.

"There's still a few drops left!" Jeremy whispers to Michael.

_You don't wanna drink that, Jeremy!_ The SQUIP screeches in his head.

"Why not?!"

_Because then you'll never be with_ me! With the precision of knights honoring a king, Brooke, Chloe, Jenna, and Jake part like the Red Sea into two parallel lines. Jeremy has a feeling he knows who's about to come through the middle.

"You are the person I want to be with every day." Christine practically _floats_ over to Jeremy as she sings, eyes glowing a neon green.

" _That_ is _not Christine!_ " Jeremy balks at the SQUIP.

_I assure you, it is! All her fears and insecurities have been removed!_

"And I've been afraid to say it, but… When I said I was into Jake, I was really into _you._ " Jeremy takes the hand Christine offers him and stands up. In all his wildest dreams, he could never have imagined her looking at him with _so_ much love in her eyes. And now she's tenderly cupping Jeremy's cheek in front of everyone whose opinions have mattered to him.

"I've never felt like this towards, well, _anyone_ until just now. But I have to say it." Planting her hands on Jeremy's chest, Christine takes a deep breath before singing her last line of the night. "Jeremy, I love you."

With that, the world freezes around Jeremy. The unmoving figures of Mr. Reyes and everyone else turn into blurry human-shaped forms. In the audience, everyone is silent, waiting for the climax, the big kiss between Christine and Jeremy. Against his better judgement, Jeremy considers listening to the SQUIP over Christine's shoulder.

_That's your cue._ Mirror images of Christine stare at Jeremy, both encouraging, both waiting for him to make a decision that will change his life for the near future.

_She'll do whatever I want?_

_That's what I promised._

_Great._ Jeremy smiles as warmly as he can at Christine while his heart races a thousand beats per minute. "Drink this."

_Wait, Jeremy, think about what you're saying--_ The SQUIP frantically scrambles to grab the bottle from the _real_ Christine, but its fingers phase right through it as Christine calmly sips the Mountain Dew Red.

"How do you feel?" Christine stares at him with a blank look-- and then her head snaps down. "Uh… Christine?"

Then the screaming starts. First Christine, then Chloe, Brooke, Jake, Jenna, Mr. Reyes, and Michael (probably more panicked than pained) emit an ear-shattering scream that shakes the auditorium walls, and all seven of them collapse on the floor. Jeremy stands there bewildered, until the same white-hot pain that accompanied the SQUIP's installation charges through his body. In a silent, tortured scream, his body contorts in a grotesque pose, and he, too, collapses.

***

By the very end of the day Jeremy goes back to school (a Friday, thank God), there’s just one person left to talk to: Christine. Jeremy doesn’t know how he’ll react to seeing her, considering the irreversible trauma left by _fake_ Christine. But, despite everything that's happened, he still wants her. Jeremy finds Christine sitting on the edge of one of the steps leading to Middleborough's courtyard, bathed in sunlight. She looks uncharacteristically pensive, not bothering to fix her windswept hair much less move at all as she stares into the distance. _You did this to me,_ the SQUIP croakes in the corner of Jeremy’s mind. _Shut up,_ he retorts, sitting next to Christine.

“It’s embarrassing,” Christine starts, “realizing you just want things to be easy.”

“Yeah.” _Jesus, you’d think that after all that I’d know how to talk to her._

“...Who was yours? You know…” she taps her temple. Jeremy freezes up. Can he even answer that? “Wait, no, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to upset you, you don’t have to say!”

“No, no, it’s fine.” Jeremy moves to hug his knees. “Mine, um, was… I mean, I guess you’d find it out anyway somehow, so I’ll just say it.” _Deep breaths._ “My _thing_ ”—he taps his temple in response—“was you.”

Jeremy fully expects Christine to hit him, yell at him, do _anything_ to him after that revelation. (After all, it’s not like he doesn’t deserve it for what he (almost) did.) Instead, she turns to him with somber, tired eyes, a look he’s seen a lot in the mirror lately.

“Thank God.” Christine smiles softly. “Not about that, I just mean that, um. Mine was, uh… A person too.”

“Really? Who? Jake?” Jeremy responds semi-jokingly to lighten the mood.

“God, no.” Christine chuckles a little. “We’re staying done. No, mine was someone different. You’d know him.” Jeremy feels more on edge right now than he's ever felt in his life. Who could it possibly be? “Michael? Sorry to disappoint, but, well, he’s gay. Super gay.”

“I know; it’s not him either. My SQUIP was… oh, this is awkward, is it a little nippy out today?” Christine wrings her hands. “Um, anyway, my SQUIP was… you.”

_Um. Wow. Well, I don’t have time to unpack_ all _of that. But if her SQUIP was me, does that mean…?_

“R-really?” Jeremy asks, a little too earnest and full of hope considering the heaviness of the situation at hand. “But the SQUIP takes the form of someone most closely related to your goal. I ruined the play, not to mention almost destroying all of human civilization… So why me?”

“Well…” Christine mutters. “I guess I should just… say what’s on my mind. Jeremy, what I said at the play? That was true. It wasn’t just you—well, _“you”—_ telling me to say that. “You” controlled my body and made me say it, but that doesn’t mean it wasn’t true.”

“The whole thing or just the part at the end?”

“Jeremy! Don’t make me say it again!” Christine squeals, pulling up the hood of her seafoam green hoodie. “Mostly the part at the end, but also the whole thing.”

“So you… Like me back?” Jeremy asks, then subtly scoots closer to Christine so that he doesn’t scare her. _Oh, God, we’re almost touching…_

“No, I meant it platonically.” Christine deadpans in the same tone as her swim team joke.

“But… why? I-I mean, you don’t have to answer that, but, um, now what? Do you… want to go for lunch someday? Just the two of us? What do you say?”

Christine hums, gazing back into the distance. Jeremy’s stomach turns as he waits for an answer, partially because she has the same expression as the SQUIP when it would process data for later use. The difference is that Christine is distinctly human. Her soft, pale pink lips open and purse around her index finger as she bites her nail in thought, a quirk of hers that the SQUIP never would have thought about. Then, Christine starts talking, and Jeremy sits up straight to listen better.

“I’ve thought about it, and… I think I’ve made up my mind.”

“...so?”

“I’d love lunch, Jeremy.” Christine looks into his eyes with an easy smile. “A-and, um… I have something for you, too. It’s important.”

"Oh! What is it?"

"C'mere." She gestures with her hand for Jeremy to scoot closer, so he does, to the point where their knees are touching. Even this feels invasive of her personal space, so he waits for further direction.

"Like this?"

"Closer. It's a secret."

"Um, okay." Now he's pressed up against Christine's side, which is the closest together that they've ever been. _Jesus, this must be really important if she's willing to get this close to me._

"Okay, now lean down a little so I can say it."

"Like this?" Jeremy frowns a little. "Christine, we're kinda really close right now, and I don't know if you realize that, I was just telling you in case you didn't want--"

Christine abruptly pulls him in by the collar and kisses him. On the lips. Willingly. For several seconds. _Okay, oh my God, this is fine, more than fine, and, um… What do I say now?_ A sound like a dying cat startles Jeremy out of his daze, and he instinctively responds with the call of a breaching whale.

"So that was okay." As she backs away, Christine seems relieved.

"How did you get that just from sounds?"

"It's one of my _many talents_ as an actress." Christine turns to lick her leg out dramatically.

"Like how Mr. Reyes's is getting Hot Pockets and exploiting his part-time job to get us costumes?" Jeremy can't help but grin, and he and Christine laugh together a little before quieting back down.

"Um… I'm sure you know this, but with how things have been with boys lately, I just want to make sure. One date isn't a relationship. I'm still trying to figure myself out, and commitment is scary, especially because we're so young and still trying to figure out what love really is, y'know?"

"Yeah, totally!" Jeremy nods in earnest, because that's the one thing about life that he _does_ know.

"Great! So… Yeah. If I decide I want a second date, it's still just a date, and I don't know if either of us are ready for a relationship yet. But…" Christine scuffs the ground with her rainbow-colored boot. When she speaks, it's soft and intimate, in the same tone as when she professed her love for Jake. "I really like you, Jeremy; I do. And there's a part of me that wants to go out with you."

That's it. Those are the words that Jeremy's been waiting to hear since seventh grade, and he couldn't be happier now that they've finally come to fruition.

"Woohoo!" Jeremy shouts, pumping his fist in the air and pulling Christine in for another kiss. She squeaks with the surprise of it, but Jeremy can feel her relax into it as the kiss gets longer. It's maybe seven seconds, which Jeremy thinks is long, but it's also chaste and awkward, just like the two of them.

Christine leaps up and offers her hands to Jeremy, pulling him into a spin. They spin like that in the courtyard until Jeremy has to pull away for fear of vomiting. Even then, both of them are still laughing breathily from the exertion. When Jeremy finally gains his ground again, he gingerly takes Christine's hand, and she lightly laces their fingers together. The sunlight shining directly in Jeremy's face as he walks out of school with the girl of his dreams tells him there's nowhere to go but up.

_Jeremy._ Something haunting and familiar crackles at the back of his mind.

_My voice will always be louder than yours._ Jeremy doesn't fully believe it, but there will come a day when he does, with the help of Christine and Michael and his Dad and all his new friends.

_You can't get rid of me_ that _easily._ Yes, there will be bad days, ones where Jeremy will crumple under the weight of his trauma. Even so, he knows he doesn't need a SQUIP to help him get through them.

_Shutdown._

_Jeremy!!!_ The SQUIP's voice glitches as it fades out of existence. Now Jeremy can focus on what really matters.

"C'mon, let's go!" He pipes up.

"C'mon, let's go!" Christine shouts.

  
"Let's go!" They shout in unison, jumping and pumping their joint fist together. With the SQUIP behind him, Christine beside him, and their voices echoing around them, Jeremy feels like a new world is ahead of him, flourishing as he runs towards the Sun with everyone cheering him on in the background. _Yeah, I'll be fine,_ Jeremy thinks, just before Christine pulls him in for another kiss.


End file.
